O.C.D.

       

My clean (for now) white bathroom.

   I've just finished cleaning my newly-painted all-white bathroom. Anything white is a mixed blessing for someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. There's nothing more gratifying than a freshly-cleaned sparkling white bathroom... at least for the thirty seconds after you finish cleaning it and before the first speck of dust falls or the first bug crawls across it! A crisp white shirt looks spectacular for almost any occasion, but aren't they just like magnets for one little drop of coffee or a healthy splash of spaghetti sauce? Fortunately, especially for Bill, my one tiny creative gene allows for a little bit of leeway. I usually hang pictures by sight rather than a measuring stick, but he will tell you, it didn't take him long to learn the "right" way to put the toilet paper in the dispenser!

      I thought this morning, though, as I wiped the last speck from the white sink, perhaps I should really consider a new obsession. What if I became "Obsessed with Christ's Delight"? I think it might make my Heavenly Father smile significantly more than my worry over dust or a spill. After all, His Word instructs us, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4 ESV) Now I don't think anyone would interpret this as a promise from God that He will give us whatever we want (such as a clean white shirt) if we simply delight in Him. As the commentary in Bible Study Tools so beautifully expresses it, "Men who delight in God desire or ask for nothing but what will please God.... Their will is subdued to God's will, and now they may have what they will. Our innermost desires are here meant, not our casual wishes;" The previous verse sheds some light: "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness." (v. 3) And the following verses, also:

5. Commit your way to the Lord;

trust in Him, and He will act.

6. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,

and your justice as the noonday.

7. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him;

fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, 

over the man who carries out evil devices!"

      Oh my, I'm afraid that seventh verse speaks to that other kind of O.C.D. I have, when I start applying my affliction to others around me, who "just can't seem to do it right" (i.e. my way)! Who knew cleaning a bathroom could result in so many bruised toes? Needless to say, God knew my soul needed cleaning as well. Interesting, too, that I learned this lesson on my knees. 

      The beautiful book of Psalms opens with these verses, which I'm going to try to take to heart as I work toward my new version of O.C.D.:
 

"How happy is the one who does not 

walk in the advice of the wicked

or stand in the pathway with sinners

or sit in the company of mockers!

Instead, his delight is in the Lord's instruction,

and he meditates on it day and night.

He is like a tree planted beside flowing streams

that bears fruit in its season

and whose leaf does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers."

(Psalm 1:1-3 CSB)

 

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

♱

Autumn Angst

      

The blueberries are hinting at autumn!

      Does anyone else have Autumn Angst? It descended on me today, or perhaps it blew in with that brisk and chilly wind that came in the night and lingers this morning. I suppose it's related to Spring Fever, yet it seems different somehow. Yes, it's a restlessness, like Spring Fever, but feels a bit more invigorating and urgent. For me, Spring Fever is almost a relief after the darkness and cold of winter, a sort of sigh that hints of long summer days to come, when stronger sun rays wake the earth from her sleep to bring forth her bounty of blooms, and life itself seems to blossom into fullness and celebration.

      In contrast, the first days of autumn I feel a nudging to get things done quickly.  Perhaps it's the thought that another year will soon draw to a close. Or maybe like the squirrel gathering fallen acorns for her winter's store, I feel a need to gather my stores, fill my pantry and freezer, bake up a storm, before the closed-in days and long, dark nights of winter make me want to hibernate just like the bear! Today I want to go to a nearby farm and discover the perfect pumpkins and chrysanthemums to bring a final splash of color to my fading flower garden.

      How metaphoric of life itself! In the Springtime of youth we never give a thought to how quickly time will fly into the Autumn and Winter of our lives. Each day is so full of living in the moment. Like Solomon we say, "There is nothing better for a person than to eat, drink, and enjoy his work." (Ecclesiastes 2:24 CSB) Until the day comes when we are faced with our own frailty and the awareness of how short life truly is. Sometimes it sneaks in gradually; sometimes it comes like an unexpected cloudburst. 

      But just like the Fall will surely follow the Summer, and Winter the Fall, time passes and life changes. And change is hard, I confess, especially this change in my body and mind from autumn into winter. I can't help wondering if, when I meet my Savior, I will feel my work is done. Will rich fruit be found in the path I leave behind, like the huge acorns and persimmons raining down today from the tall trees in my yard? Will I hear the words "Well done, good and faithful servant?"

      At this bittersweet time of transition in the earth, I think I shall try to embrace with grace the change in my own seasons. As wise King Solomon expressed it,

"There is an occasion for everything,

and a time for every activity under heaven:

a time to give birth and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot;

a time to kill and a time to heal;

a time to tear down and a time to build;

a time to weep and a time to dance...."

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 CSB)

 ♱

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

The Broken Branch

       "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."  (John 15:5-8 NIV)

      A couple of weeks ago, a tree-sized branch fell from our prized chestnut oak. We have no idea how old this precious tree is, but it is definitely a rare and wonderful homestead tree, and for us it has provided a respite from heat in summer, a playground for our grandchildren in all seasons, a feasting ground for deer throughout the winter, not to mention a year 'round home for who knows how many varieties of birds. 

July 28, 2020

     The "thud" of that huge branch falling still echoes in my head, like the explosion of a distant cannon. When we realized what the sound was, our hearts were shattered with the thought of losing our beloved tree, but then immediately thankful it had happened when no child or critter was playing under it, or we were picking blackberries from the vines it protects. It even missed the benches and potted plants of my "secret garden!"

      As it turns out, the rest of the tree is still healthy, according to our "tree man;" in fact, the part that fell was itself healthy, but what happened was a slow, invisible crack developed where the branch joined the trunk of the tree. Over time, water seeped in and rotted the juncture, then allowed insects to burrow invisibly between trunk and branch, until the huge branch's weight became too much. Almost immediately the leaves of the fallen branch began to wither, and now, two weeks later, the leaves are turning prematurely brown and beginning to fall off. Why? Because they are separated from their source of life and nourishment, the gigantic trunk which has, I'm sure, an even more enormous root system below ground, which is supporting the whole magnificent structure.

August 14, 2020 

      What lessons that broken branch can teach us! First of all, it had grown bigger than all the other branches, probably taking more than its share of nourishment from the trunk anyway, perhaps  thinking (if trees could think) it was a little better or more deserving than the other branches, even trying to make itself as important or stately as the trunk. Ouch! How often do I feel my "issues" or "needs" or thoughts or words are more important than everyone else's? Is that going to make me eventually too big a burden for my friends or family to bear and end up separating me from what is really my life-blood?

      Or have I let worldly or selfish thoughts and actions seep into my life and come between me and my REAL source of life, my God and my Savior? Do I seek His face in prayer and His wisdom from His Word as often as I seek the wisdom of the world on television or Facebook? Am I so wrapped up in my aches and pains or the fears of Covid19 or the economy or the election that I have forgotten the need to fellowship with other believers to keep me strong in battling those fears? Am I still reaching out to others with greater needs than mine to show them Christ's love? 

      I've often had the thought that our "idols" -- sports, entertainment, financial success-- are being torn down in this pandemic. But what if it's more about our personal idols that are coming between us and our Source of eternal life and our true purpose: shining the Light of Jesus into a lost and dark world? I don't want to be that broken branch, tossed into the fire and burned. I'd like to go on living fully, attached to the Vine that has given me life since before I was born. I'd like to keep bearing fruit until my last breath is taken. An old hymn comes to mind as the perfect prayer:

"Dear Lord and Father of mankind, 

Forgive our foolish ways;

Reclothe us in our rightful mind; 

In purer lives Thy service find,

In deeper reverence, praise."

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

♱

Seeking Harmony

    

      

      I've often said that I came out of the womb singing harmony, and no wonder with two gifted musicians for parents. I'm sure that, like my son, I was exposed to music from the moment of conception. I can tell you this: Christian danced all the way through a James Taylor concert in my belly, and I'm pretty sure he's still a fan! But for me it was always the harmony my ear was drawn to, and my voice couldn't help but follow. In my head, I more often hear harmonies than melodies. 

      In a devotion I just read I was reminded that the black keys on a piano are just as essential as the white keys. Any pianist will tell you that it is a rare song that is played only on the white keys or only on the black keys: either one would lack "color" (pun intended). And speaking of color, think of the rainbow. Without sun AND rain, darkness and light, there would be no color, no rainbow.

      There are so many obvious applications to each of our lives: without the dry times, would we appreciate the floods of bounty? Without the dark times would we appreciate the light of joy? Without hunger could we truly savor a tasty meal? Without the bleak winter would we even notice the bloom of spring? Imagine if God had created just one type of animal or plant, or if all humans looked exactly alike! I can only think how mundane, even boring, life would be if every day were exactly the same. To me it would become as painful as listening to a piece of music consisting of one note played endlessly without harmony.

      Maybe it's this "harmony hang-up" I have that has always drawn me to the West Indies, and particularly Jamaica. Oh, I love their music, make no mistake, but that's not what I'm talking about here. From my first visit there, I was struck by the array of skin colors, not just in the country, but in individual families. And no one talks about whether an individual is a "black Jamaican" or a "white Jamaican," because they are all different shades on the scale of color, as unique and essential as each note on a piano keyboard. Jamaicans are actually proud of their mixed heritage, as expressed in their motto, "Out of many, one people."  

      What is it about America these days that makes my dream of harmony seem like a childish fantasy? Maybe every prejudiced American could be transported to Jamaica for a few days to experience this harmony? Or what if we all just humbled ourselves, took ourselves off of the throne where only God belongs, and began to look at others as God sees us all: unique individuals, EACH created in His image and for His glory.

     "Then God said, let us make man in our image, according to our likeness.... So God created man in His own image; He created him in the image of God; he created them male and female."  (Genesis 1:26-27 CSB)

"Do not take revenge or bear a grudge against members of your community, but love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord."  (Leviticus 19:18 CSB)

"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in Heaven. For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward will you have?" (Matthew 5:44-46 CSB) 

"I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another."  (John 13: 34 CSB)

  Oh, friend, the God of the universe MUST love color-- He created it! There's no reference to a particular color in Genesis 1! His first covenant promise was contained in a rainbow, which comprises all the colors in in the prism!  Jesus, the Son of God, in His last hours on earth prayed for us: "I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to You. Holy Father, protect them by Your name that You have given me, so that they may be one as we are one."  (John 15:11 CSB)  Anyone else longing for a little harmony? Pray with me "that [we] may be one!" 💗

                           "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

♱

Despair -- Hope

      I'm not proud to admit that recently I've let the state of the world and my own situation sit like a boulder on top of my head, pressing my mind and body into a place of hopelessness. Even though I don't read or watch "the news" these days, I would have to live in total isolation in the wilderness to escape knowing and being affected by what's going on. I mean, what's normal about having to sanitize every piece of food or mail that comes into the house from off our own property? What's normal about not seeing friends and family for weeks or months even though they live just minutes away, or if you see them giving "air hugs" instead of the life-giving feel of someone else's strong arms holding you together for just a moment?

      Anyone who knows me at all will affirm that this negative outlook is not the norm for me: I can usually see a touch of grace in most any situation. Yesterday, though, was one of those days I just couldn't; I just wanted to get to the end of it, go to sleep and wake up in Narnia! I did fall asleep, but I woke up and nothing had changed-- I was sad to the core. So sad I couldn't even speak of it. And yet, God heard. I picked up my phone and there, from my Jamaican "sister" Jeanne, was a song, and it spoke my broken heart. (I'm posting the link below and praying it will minister to you as it did to me.) 

      I listened, and then I walked around my own yard. And you know what? "There Was Jesus"...  in the beauty of each brilliant color of each delicate flower or butterfly wing, in the numberless shades of green in the forest backdrop, and in the music of each bird song that accompanied my walk. My friend, without you uttering a word, God hears the cry of your broken heart, for He has indeed "put [your] tears in [His] bottle...." (Psalm 56:8)

"I have asked one thing from the Lord;

it is what I desire:

to dwell in the house of the Lord

all the days of my life, gazing on the beauty of the Lord

and seeking Him in His temple."

(Psalm 27:4 CSB)

      Please enjoy these photos of what I discovered, allow yourself to revel in the comfort of the entirety of Psalm 27, then listen to this beautiful song.

There Was Jesus

"He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

♱ 

Purpose

      Tap, flutter, flutter, flutter... tap, flutter, flutter, flutter...  tap, flutter, flutter.... It took me days to discern exactly what that unfamiliar yet nearly constant sound was. At last I looked up from my chair toward the branches of the river birch which gloriously shades our front windows. And there it was: a flash and flutter of brilliant red against the emerald leaves. It took Bill's bird book to figure out we were observing a summer tanager doing what they do: this faithful male was collecting bugs that had gathered on our windows to feed himself and his family. The sound quickly became so familiar that we missed it during his brief breaks, and especially when he left us for warmer climes over the winter. But he's back now with his tapping and fluttering and an occasional soft "pit-tick."  

      That bird knows his purpose-- to care for his family-- and he carries it out faithfully without complaint. He has no idea how much delight, comfort, and inspiration he's giving me just by doing his job, what he was created for, hour after hour, day after day. I don't think he longs for adventure or even some greater "assignment." I think of our healthcare workers and first responders who carry out their duties without notice or acclaim, even and more so during this pandemic. Those certainly aren't glamorous jobs, and yet, like that bird, they inspire me-- to be a more faithful servant, without complaint (There's the hard part!), without adulation. 

      We received a graduation announcement this morning, from a sweet high school friend who had no prom and no graduation ceremony, no "Pomp and Circumstance." And yet she fulfilled this mission of her young life: she graduated from high school, and will be on to her next assignment in spite of the strange conclusion of her senior year. And after all the happy and hopeful pictures, at the very bottom, this graduate had chosen to place the following Scripture:

       "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  (Joshua 1:9 NIV)  

   Now that's inspiring! 

Carolina Bird Club photo

   

   

      Lord, forgive me for wanting some greater purpose, some grander recognition on this earth; for what could be grander than fulfilling YOUR purpose for me in a manner pleasing to you? And what more could I need than fellowship with You to fulfill my purpose humbly, yet courageously? I love You, Lord Jesus, and that's all I need!

"He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

♱ 

Golden Bowls

 

  I hope you'll allow me a very personal moment here, though my prayer is always that this space will encourage you. Last week I did something which three years ago would have been no big deal at all, just lots of fun: I invited my family to gather for Sunday lunch at the lake. I LOVE entertaining and have missed it so! I enjoy preparing the food, making a beautiful setting, and most of all anticipating joyful fellowship with loved ones. I was determined to celebrate a belated Easter, Mother's Day, and a modicum of freedom after months of quarantine.

      I had planned this for a couple of weeks, and with Bill doing all the legwork, had gathered ingredients and little by little prepared the food. Going to the lake a couple of days before in order to make final preparations, I had to rein in my thoughts of having a spotless house, with the perfect decor and festive plates and napkins set out artistically, for I knew my limited energy would be required for the food preparation. Even so, Saturday came and I was in such pain that I had to call Bill to come and help with the set-up. I confess, I spent more than a few moments mourning the loss of my ability to "do it all myself." But then I reminded myself that two years ago I could hardly get out of bed, much less think of staying alone at the lake or standing in the kitchen long enough to prepare a meal. 

      Asking Bill to make an extra trip over was challenging enough to my independent spirit, even though he graciously came and did all I asked and more. After he left for home and I sat praying for strength and even momentary release from pain, I did something even more difficult for me: I sent a quick text to Bill, Margie, and Linda (my closest prayer warriors) asking them to pray specifically for me to have a good day Sunday. I really wanted to enjoy my family "just one more time" like we have done so many times before. I quickly felt an inexplicable peace, through my pain and weakness. I stopped worrying about how I would finish putting out the food and even sit at the table to eat. I had a wonderful sleep Saturday night, and woke up fairly strong Sunday morning. Pain lingered, and no small amount of anxiety-- or was it excitement? 

      Then Bill came back offering last-minute assistance, and soon my grandchildren were bursting through the door with squeals and hugs. Suddenly all pain fled and I found myself feeling "almost normal" as we stood (impossible for me even a year ago!) in a circle and held hands to give thanks for our food and our time together. I sat with the whole family for lunch at the table in the sunshine on the deck, rather than eating on my lap in my recliner while I listened to the laughter outside. I followed the kids to the water's edge to watch them fishing, and then presented them with Easter treats while sitting in the floor and helping them discover the surprises I had hidden in their eggs. As everyone left and I settled in my chair with a huge smile on my face, I raised my hands and my heart in praise to my "Good, Good Father"!

      And then I remembered the golden bowls. In our Revelation study a couple of weeks ago we looked at Chapter 5, in which the Lamb takes the scroll, and

           "When He took the scroll, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and golden bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of the saints."  (Revelation 5:8 CSB)

      Think on that, my friend! Your prayers and mine, along with all the prayers that have been prayed throughout time, are being held in golden bowls before the throne of God! They are never forgotten; they don't slip by unnoticed. They are even now in God's throne room, held in bowls of the world's most precious material, ready to be poured out to glorify the One Who died that we might live! 

      Take heart: I have prayed many prayers that have not yet been answered, or have not been answered in the way I hoped. I know many of you continue to pray for my healing, as I have done for many of you; it's not happening instantly, but it IS happening. Sunday was one of the immediately-answered prayers. I dare say you have had both delayed and immediate response to prayers, as I have. But know this: not one of your prayers, proffered from a sincere and believing heart, has been missed. And when its answer comes, to God be the glory!

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is very powerful in its effect."  (James 5:16 CSB)

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