Diving for Pearls

      Sometimes it feels as though I've been underwater longer than I can possibly hold my breath. Are there pearls down here I have yet to find that will make the dive worthwhile? Perhaps my perspective has been upside down. 

      I read recently that pearl divers must carry large rocks with them in order to overcome their bodies' natural buoyancy and reach the depths where the largest and most precious pearls are found. I think I've been clinging to my Rock in hopes of rising from these depths, but maybe I've been looking at things all wrong. Maybe it's clinging to Him that's keeping me deep enough to discover a priceless pearl waiting there for me. 

      Upon greater reflection, however, I must acknowledge the pearls I have already uncovered:

      1. Love, understanding, perseverance, and patience in a husband who admittedly struggles with the latter. (Don't we all?)

       2. Support in the form of prayers, cards, messages, and understanding in loved ones who admittedly can't truly comprehend why I often can't talk on the phone, respond immediately to an email, or even explain what's going on with me.

      3. Doctors who continue to spend hours outside of office hours helping me try to figure out what's really wrong with me and how to help me feel better.

      4. Empathy with the suffering of others. 

      5. How to say "I can't" and ask for help without feeling guilty.

      6. How to recognize and appreciate the daily "love gifts" from my Heavenly Father: a cuddle with a loving dog, an injured bird who flies again, a flower, a butterfly, a hummingbird, rain dripping off the tree outside my window, the ability to see, hear taste, smell, feel. "Morning by morning new mercies I see!" (Lamentations 3:22-23)

      Meanwhile, awaiting the day when I shall emerge from the depths with the most priceless pearl of all, 

       "The Lord is my Rock, my fortress, and

        my Deliverer, my God, my Rock where

         I seek refuge, my shield and the horn

         of my salvation, my stronghold." 

         Psalm 18: 2 (CSB)

Photo: q8allinone.com

                 

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

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Pressed But Not Crushed!

Queen's Day Crush!

 "We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair."  (2 Corinthians 4:8 NLT)

       One of my favorite daily devotions, Streams in the Desert by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, directed me to this Scripture today, and there immediately sprang to mind a memory from some twenty years ago. Bill and I had traveled to the Netherlands in Spring expressly to see the tulips in bloom. We were staying in Amsterdam, as the famed Keukenhof Gardens were just a short bus ride from there, and we could enjoy the sights of the city in addition. Unbeknownst to us, our trip encompassed "Queen's Day," which is comparable to our Fourth of July celebration, but even more raucous, as you can imagine in this extremely worldly city.

      On that day, of course, we would not hide in our modest hotel room just to avoid a harmless crowd, and so we joined the fun on the streets. We had had lunch in a small Greek cafe along a canal, observing the passing crowds and barely moving cars in the streets, boats filled with revelers literally forming a solid bridge across the canal. We could feel more than hear the throbbing of the pervasive "techno" music even inside the restaurant. We at last decided to venture out to cross over a footbridge to the other side of the canal, and almost without warning we were truly crushed in an immovable mass of humanity, people trying to move in all directions and completely gridlocked. My feet literally left the ground as the crowd carried me forward, almost breathless and definitely helpless. I remember clinging to Bill's shirt with two fingers, worrying mainly about the big camera around my neck, trying not to panic. And then suddenly we were loosed from the grip of the crowd and I just stood there shaking, taking in big gulps of air, and clinging to Bill in relief. 

      Have you ever had days, weeks, months, or even years like that? Times when you can't see a way out of the hard place and all you can do is breathe, and even that with difficulty?  I know I have, and I'm sure most of you have, too. It is times like these when I know that I can, I MUST, reach for my Bible to study Paul, or Job, or turn to my favorite Psalms of comfort to put my troubles in perspective. At the very worst of times, I simply sit in quiet contemplation of my dear Savior, visualize the last days of His short life, and remind myself He did it all for me. The pain and punishment I deserve, He did NOTHING to deserve, yet He took more than I can ever imagine... for me, for you.  

      And so I keep breathing, knowing that  "our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory."  (2 Corinthians 4:17 CSB)

Keukenhof Gardens -- A Taste of the Glory to Come!

This song was sent to me today! Contemplate that last photo and listen: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqxtFUwM3-o

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

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NOTE: Some of my favorite Psalms of comfort: 8, 16, 23, 34, 42, 46, 91, 139.

The Wandering Rose -- A Parable

      

     

 "Comparative uselessness is the condition of freedom from suffering." 

--Homera Homer-Dixon

      Once upon a time there was a little pink rose who sat in a garden shop wishing for a home. Week after week she waited, being watered by the kind workers at the garden shop, but it just wasn't the same as having a home to adorn and an owner to bloom for. At last, one sunny day a sweet little lady took the rose home and planted her in her front yard. She watered the young plant as best she could, but soon she had to move away, and the rose found herself suddenly dug up and moved to a nearby house. The nice man who claimed her seemed to have lots of fun with his friends, and he kept the rose watered well enough, but still she stayed small and bore just a few blooms each year. 

      Then one day the man didn't come home, and the rose was very sad. She nearly dried up from neglect until the day the Master Gardener arrived. He saw that rose and immediately loved it! There was one pale, sad bloom, and the Master said, "I'm taking you home with me, and I'll care for you until you thrive and make my garden beautiful with your gorgeous pink blooms!"

      The Master Gardener carried the rose home and carefully chose the perfect spot to plant it-- just the right combination of sunlight and shade, the perfect soil and drainage, and room for the small bush to grow. He loosened the soil and dug a hole that allowed for plenty of space for the roots, then carefully placed the rose in it and tamped down the soil gently, so as not to harm the tender roots. The rose sighed in happiness, then shrank in dismay as the Gardener began to cut its branches with a sharp instrument! How pitiful the rose looked, a mere shadow of its former self, and yet life remained in its trimmed branches, though it was difficult to see through the cold winter months. 

      The rose rested and waited, wondering why Someone would do such a thing, cut off its nice green leaves and leave it with little defense in the chilly winds of winter. The months wore on, and the rose could do nothing but sit in dormancy and wonder, "What's the point, if I can't produce a bloom or even a new leaf?" But slowly, almost imperceptibly, the air and the soil began to warm, as sunshine lingered and days grew longer. One day the little rose noticed a tiny spot on one of its stems, and in a very short time that spot swelled up and suddenly, it seemed, was joined by many other tiny spots which quickly expanded as the days grew warmer. Almost overnight those spots burst forth into the most glorious leaves the little rose had ever produced! And then-- miracle of miracles-- flower buds began to form all over the now fully leafed-out bush. The rose was so excited she shivered in every breeze with the thrill of it, and she noticed that the Master Gardener visited her often, fed and watered her, and even said tender words that sounded quite loving and encouraging to her. 

      The day those buds began opening, the rose blushed with joy, and as more and more blossoms opened, she emitted the most glorious fragrance. The Gardener visited her more and more frequently, and even brought friends to enjoy the wondrous sight and smell of the bush He had cultivated so carefully. As the visitors made sounds of pleasure over the beautiful rose, she wished she could tell them, "I did nothing at all to deserve this! It was all the Master's care! What hurt me, the pruning and waiting, I would never have chosen, but the Master knew what it would take to make me fulfill my purpose and show my true beauty to the fullest for HIS glory!" And it was worth it. 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."

(John 15:1-2 NIV)

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

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NOTE: With sincerest thanks to Master Gardener and sister in Christ, Linda Burnett, who shared this story and photo.

I Never Saw Dolphins

      

     "Now faith is the certainty of things hoped for, a proof of things not seen."  (Hebrews 11:1 NASB)

      Like many young girls, I loved dolphins long ago. Perhaps it was the original television show "Flipper" that initiated my love affair, but somehow it never ended. I remember the thrill of watching for them on family vacations to the beach, and even going to "Marineland" in Florida and seeing them up close. As a young family, we took the obligatory trip to Disney World and Sea World, and I was as elated to touch their rubbery skin as my 3-year-old son.

      But none of those compared to my later-in-life opportunity to spend a week on a large catamaran floating in the shallow waters off the Bahamas, encountering Atlantic spotted dolphins in their natural habitat. I can't begin to describe the feeling of donning my snorkel and fins and diving into the warm turquoise waters, learning to "think" and swim like a dolphin. We were instructed never to reach out and touch them, simply to swim along with them and allow them to approach us. Even now my eyes fill with tears when I remember that magical moment when one huge zeppelin-shaped blue body swam up alongside me and we were, for a few moments, eye to eye. When I emerged from the water and climbed back onto the boat, I simply wrapped myself in a towel, went to a secluded corner, and wept. 

      Last February I spent a month at the beach trying a new therapy for my ME/CFS. Nearly every day I saw dolphins play in the surf, and I looked to them as a sign of hope and encouragement. I was rarely disappointed and frequently delighted at their joyous antics. Sometimes I felt as though they were sent there just for me. (Silly, I know, or maybe not!) I was back at the same beach last week, and of course scanned the ever-changing ocean many times every day for the familiar gleam of a sleek hump or spray from a playful leap. But they never came. Was I disappointed? Maybe a little. Did I ever doubt that they were there? Never, because I had experienced them! I kept looking expectantly until the moment I had to leave my room to head home.

      Look again at the passage above. How like my history with dolphins throughout my life is our experience with God. When our faith is new, it is based on what we learn from others and the Bible, pictures of Him and His work on earth through the ages. We may even "touch" Him in the innocence of children-- in a parent's love, in a Sunday School or Vacation Bible School teacher's care. But when we encounter Him face-to-face, intervening in our lives in ways we could never have imagined, then we KNOW He is there. We have more than hope, we have faith to carry us through the darkest nights, the deepest valleys, the days when we can't really see Him, yet we know for a certainty He is there. We can, with the Psalmist, "Be still and know that [He is] God; [He] will be exalted among the nations, [He] will be exalted in the earth."  [Psalm 46:10 NIV)

      Our hopes may not be realized until we "walk out the door" of our earthly body, but if we have faith, then we can be sure all will be well when we meet Him face to face. In fact, 

      "Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory."  [Romans 5:2 NLT]

       Finally, dear reader, this is my prayer for you:

      "May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fulness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, Who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think."  [Ephesians 3:19-20 NLT]

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

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The Freedom of Less

       Throughout my life it seems I've always carried excess baggage: HUGE purse filled with all those "just in case" necessities, the biggest suitcase AND carry-on allowed on the plane, "sentimental stuff" tucked into any nook and cranny in my attic. I've just realized, though, that chronic illness has suddenly changed all that. I carry the smallest purse possible, and my list of necessities has shrunk to almost nothing. Though I'm not really traveling, when I pack for a few days at the lake, I find each trip I carry less and less with me. I've learned what I can get by with, or more importantly WITHOUT. I find myself thinking more about cleaning out closets than about shopping for new clothes or shoes, about what I can give away rather than acquire. But slowly, slowly, I'm beginning to accept, and even embrace the freedom of less. I can survive and even grow stronger on less elaborate meals, keep my body covered with LOTS fewer changes of clothes, and most importantly grow closer to God with less "activity."   

      I'm realizing of late that what I've really let go of are all the "shoulds." I've pretty much always been motivated by what I thought I "should" be "doing." I've come to realize, however, that these were expectations I put on myself rather than anyone else's expectations of me. Just as I can't earn my salvation by any works, I can't earn any human being's love by doing more for them. Not that it's not rewarding to sacrifice for someone else, but it is not the sacrifice that makes another person love me, but rather who I am. And you know what? That hasn't changed just because of my circumstances. I am still the Charlanne my Heavenly Father "Knit together in my mother's womb,.... made in secret,... formed in the depths of the earth."  (Psalm 139:13,15 CSB) He loves me no matter what I do or don't do!

     And you know what? By "doing" less I have MORE: time to write a note of encouragement or make a phone call of concern, money to give to help others, time to enjoy the beauty of the world that's right around me (a sunset, a moonrise, a tree swaying in the breeze, blossoms emerging in Spring), time to spend quietly with my Lord and Savior, studying His Word, simply adoring Him and reveling in His love for me.

     Our new pup, Copper, just gave us the perfect illustration this morning: when Bill opened the bedroom door and came into the living room where Copper was sleeping, without even opening his eyes, Copper began to wag his tail (his love language). Bill was creeping quietly so as not to disturb him, not turning on any lights or making a sound, yet his mere presence made that sweet dog happy. Friend, that's all we have to do to please God-- open the door and receive His love, poured out freely, at no cost to us, then delight in His delight in us! 

 “Consider how the wildflowers grow: They don’t labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these."  Luke 12:27 CSB)

Happy at his master's feet!

P.S. This Jason Crabb song expresses it beautifully-- enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdstMOPLnbY

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

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He Knew!

    

       "Lord, You have searched me and known me.  You know when I sit down and when I stand up;  You understand my thoughts from far away.  You observe my travels and my rest;  You are aware of all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue, You know all about it, Lord.  You have encircled me; You have placed your hand on me. This wondrous knowledge is beyond me.  It is lofty;  I am unable to reach it.... Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began."   (Psalm 139:1-6, 16 CSB)

      As I sit with my toes dipped in the mighty ocean, I consider this favorite Psalm of mine and it takes my breath away! This goal I've had, to sometime get back to the beach and walk to the shoreline under my own strength-- my Father knew before I was even born, not just that I would have this illness and this dream, but the exact day and time I would achieve my goal. 

      And then I think "Silly girl! How can you even imagine you got here "under your own steam"? I am quickly humbled to acknowledge all the power behind my "steam": Bill, Dr. K., Dr. P., Doc S, Annie Hopper's "Retraining the Brain," the countless prayers offered by so many loved ones (probably even more than I know!), not to mention love & support in more ways than I can name. And there, over, under, alongside, and through all those precious instruments, the grace of my Great God and loving Father.

      Let that sink in a moment. Those verses apply to you as much as to me. They applied to me long before I ever acknowledged them. Like it or not, accept it or not, the God Who created you knows everything you've done and ever will do! Oh, He's not manipulating you like a puppet-- He just knows His creation like we can't even comprehend, better than we know ourselves. 

      How often have you longed to be known, really deeply known, by maybe just one other person? I know I wanted that for much of my life, until I realized I HAVE it, you have it, we all have it! And the One Who knows us better than our parents, spouse, best friend is the One Who has ALL knowledge about EVERYTHING! And not only that, He has all wisdom, and He wants to be our Guide, our Counselor, our Comforter through His Holy Spirit, the Paraclete (in Greek, literally advocate).

      Oh my friend, wherever you are this moment, whatever you're going through right now, stop and drink in that truth-- God knows. Take comfort and smile. That's what I'm doing! 

      

Giving Up My Idols

My Filthy Rags

 

     I used to enjoy watching "American Idol" on television, although I always said, "I just don't like the term "Idol." Pretty short-sighted of me, when I was surrounding myself with my own idols of various sorts: my "To Do" list, material things, knowledge, beauty, the joy of entertaining in my home, recognition for my own accomplishments, even the "good things" I did at church. Probably the first three years of chronic illness I idolized health and physical ability, spending a huge percentage of my time trying to figure out what was wrong with me and how I could get over it. (I am definitely NOT saying striving for health, purpose, doing good, or loving others are bad things, but making health and strength the be-all and end-all of my existence was anything BUT healthy!) In itself, each of these things (and you can think of more) is not a bad goal. But it's when any one or combination of them becomes an obsession that we're in trouble. Dictionary.com defines an obsession this way: "the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc." (emphasis mine).

      Believe me, from the beginning of this journey, I have had friends, family, and doctors who constantly tried to point me in the right direction, through persistent prayers, encouraging cards, texts, conversations, any way possible to give me hope. I've accepted and appreciated every one. Yet yesterday, after nearly four years, I was able to say honestly to a dear and faithful friend, "I am FINALLY truly able to thank God not only for the good days or even hours, but also for the pain, because I have grown so much closer to HIM, most of all in the painful days, the days when I had nothing left but Him!" I used to think, "What good am I? What is this accomplishing?" But slowly I realized that throughout my life accomplishment had become my idol and pride my greatest sin.

 As the prophet Isaiah put it, 

"All of us have become like one who is unclean,

    and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;

we all shrivel up like a leaf,

    and like the wind our sins sweep us away."

(Isaiah 64:6 NIV)

      I just read in today's entry in Streams in the Desert about someone observing the inner workings of a trolley's power plant. The observer asked, "How do they make the power?" The answer: " ...by the revolution of those wheels and the friction they produce. The rubbing creates the electric current." Oh my! I feel the current of God rushing through my body, mind, and soul even as I type the words! Through this friction of pain and disability He has made me ever more aware of His constant presence within and beside me as I have never before experienced it! And so, with the apostle Paul, I say,

       "[F]or this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong."   (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NASB)

And with the Psalmist, 

"I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved." (Psalm 18:3 Msg)

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

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