Giving Up My Idols

My Filthy Rags

 

     I used to enjoy watching "American Idol" on television, although I always said, "I just don't like the term "Idol." Pretty short-sighted of me, when I was surrounding myself with my own idols of various sorts: my "To Do" list, material things, knowledge, beauty, the joy of entertaining in my home, recognition for my own accomplishments, even the "good things" I did at church. Probably the first three years of chronic illness I idolized health and physical ability, spending a huge percentage of my time trying to figure out what was wrong with me and how I could get over it. (I am definitely NOT saying striving for health, purpose, doing good, or loving others are bad things, but making health and strength the be-all and end-all of my existence was anything BUT healthy!) In itself, each of these things (and you can think of more) is not a bad goal. But it's when any one or combination of them becomes an obsession that we're in trouble. Dictionary.com defines an obsession this way: "the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc." (emphasis mine).

      Believe me, from the beginning of this journey, I have had friends, family, and doctors who constantly tried to point me in the right direction, through persistent prayers, encouraging cards, texts, conversations, any way possible to give me hope. I've accepted and appreciated every one. Yet yesterday, after nearly four years, I was able to say honestly to a dear and faithful friend, "I am FINALLY truly able to thank God not only for the good days or even hours, but also for the pain, because I have grown so much closer to HIM, most of all in the painful days, the days when I had nothing left but Him!" I used to think, "What good am I? What is this accomplishing?" But slowly I realized that throughout my life accomplishment had become my idol and pride my greatest sin.

 As the prophet Isaiah put it, 

"All of us have become like one who is unclean,

    and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;

we all shrivel up like a leaf,

    and like the wind our sins sweep us away."

(Isaiah 64:6 NIV)

      I just read in today's entry in Streams in the Desert about someone observing the inner workings of a trolley's power plant. The observer asked, "How do they make the power?" The answer: " ...by the revolution of those wheels and the friction they produce. The rubbing creates the electric current." Oh my! I feel the current of God rushing through my body, mind, and soul even as I type the words! Through this friction of pain and disability He has made me ever more aware of His constant presence within and beside me as I have never before experienced it! And so, with the apostle Paul, I say,

       "[F]or this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me—to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in distresses, in persecutions, in difficulties, in behalf of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong."   (2 Corinthians 12:7-10 NASB)

And with the Psalmist, 

"I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved." (Psalm 18:3 Msg)

 "He must increase, but I must decrease"  (John 3:30)

♱