In the Depths -- Deep Love

      I can remember the first time I heard the beautiful song "O, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus." It was during a Vacation Bible School I was helping with not that many years ago. The minor chords stirred my heart, even though my experience of that Love was not yet as deep as the music suggests to me now. My faith was immature, even though I was advanced in years. I was well aware of my sin, yet the dire suffering of Jesus had not become a reality in my heart, even though I knew the facts well enough. Like everyone else, I had watched Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" with tears, sometimes even closing my eyes when it became too realistic, yet His pain was still unimaginable.

      As slowly as a long-awaited dawn, though -- through a Bible study, a Sunday School lesson, a sermon, or even an image -- the truth of this song's words sank into my heart. When I was shown the picture below, I had to have a copy for myself. It's still by my bedside, a constant reminder of just how low the King of the Universe, the Creator of all life, the one and only Jehovah God stooped to restore me to a right relationship with Himself. Do you realize how many lesser gods are worshiped every day -- wealth, fame, "fun," material possessions, power, not to mention countless human beings? I have certainly put all of those things before God!

(Image: "The Rescue" by Nathan Greene)

      When I began to have severe pain from a then unknown cause, I felt in the depths of despair. All I could do was tell Jesus how sorry I was for the pain I had caused Him to suffer, knowing that mine was a dim shadow of His. But then I began to think about what He gave up for me, even before the cross, when the God of the Universe squeezed into a frail human body that would suffer growing pains, skinned knees, cuts and bruises, not to mention a heart broken over and over again by rejection from the people He came to save. And He left His true home in Paradise for this!

      Then, "Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me" my heart began to overflow with praise.

      *Please read Psalm 130, and then enjoy the beautiful images accompanying Selah's song below.

 O, the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus by Selah

Orphaned -- Adopted

      When you think about it, we'll all be orphaned eventually: some are, sadly, early in life, others not until much later in adulthood when their parents pass away. I was fortunate to have parents who lived until ages 96 and 100. I know that's rare, and I am so thankful to have been able to grow closer with them as we all aged. It was, nonetheless, difficult to say "Good-bye" to them, even though I was well-advanced in years myself. My mother in reality abandoned us several years before her body gave up; those two or three years when her body was here but her mind was not were excruciating, a sort of purgatory between having her with us and not.

      2015 was, however, the year I became a true orphan. In May, one month before his 101st birthday, my father passed away quietly, alone, in his sleep. As my son still remembers in great admiration, "He was studying to teach Sunday School until the moment he died!" I'll never forget the sheer agony of receiving the news-- physical and emotional wrenching as I had never experienced until then. Part of the pain was realizing I was now the senior generation, but much of it was the sense of abandonment. You just never think about your parents leaving you.

      To make matters worse, just a month later the quartet I had sung with for ten years, the three people who were my musical completion as well as my brothers and sister in Christ, decided to disband. I felt as if someone had cut off my arms and legs-- first no "Daddy" to go visit and nurture, then no "Wing and A Prayer" to struggle long hours over a chord and then rejoice when we could praise the Lord in perfect harmony.

      I'll never forget the title of one of Christian's earliest sermons: "But God." Perhaps that should be the title of this blog. I truly believe the past four years since I was "orphaned" have seen the most intense growth I have ever had in my relationship to God. Because I didn't have these obvious people needing and depending on me, I've had to discover God's purpose for me at long last. And slowly, slowly I've come to realize that I was never an orphan, could never be, because He is my eternal Father, ever since I acknowledged Him, through His Son Jesus, as my Savior! My friend, don't wait to experience earthly abandonment to recognize your place as God's child! As a favorite Wing and A Prayer song reminds us all, "You're Not Alone"-- not ever, not one minute!

       "He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will."  (Ephesians 1:5 CSB)

      "Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began."  (Psalm 139:16 CSB)

      * Please read all of Psalm 139: I promise you'll be blessed! 

D-R-E-A-D -- D-A-R-E-D

   
      I love word games. Some of my fondest "Daddy memories" focus on sitting in the morning sun at the lake, Daddy in his recliner, me on the couch adjacent, while he tossed crossword puzzle clues to me, then passed me the newspaper to try to finish after he gave up. But my favorite challenge was always the "Jumble" -- trying to make as many words as possible from one group of letters. Daddy's no longer with me, but my current obsession has become "Word Trip," an electronic version of the game found conveniently on my phone.

       I'm sure the letters above have appeared at some point in the thousands of puzzles I've completed! For many of the past months it was the first one that described my state of mind. I dreaded getting up in the morning, because who knew what the day would bring: a roiling belly, excruciating nerve pain, weakness so severe I needed help getting around the house, fatigue so extreme talking on the phone was out of the question, a brain so foggy I couldn't read a book. I even dreaded having to move from my recliner to bed at night, because by the time I got in bed my heart was racing with the effort of moving and brushing my teeth. And no one could promise me it would get better. I took comfort in reading a short Psalm or simply listening to praise music. I felt like Solomon: "....Absolute futility. Everything is futile." And "All things are wearisome, more than anyone can say...." (Ecclesiastes 1:2, 8 CSB)

      Nevertheless, as I read over and over Psalms such as 9, 27, 28, 34, 57, 91, 138, 139, the words gradually became belief in me. My wonderful, faith-filled doctors' messages of hope began to sink in, but I think it was the day Dr. Scheer asked me if I had been going to church that started those letters moving around. I had to tell him "No, but I've been worshiping at home." "I'm praying for you, he said." And somehow, the next Wednesday night I made myself go. Oh, there's nothing like fellowship with true believers to nourish the soul and strengthen the body! I left with the biggest smile I had had in a long time, and determined to try to make it each Wednesday thereafter. I haven't succeeded every week, but most of them. And slowly, slowly the DREAD has fallen away. I look forward to the day when I can look back and say, "I am living life fully because I DARED to overcome." 

      "Haven't I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord Your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 CSB)

      "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another -- all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV)

   

Coincidence -- God's Incidence

      My wonderful Physical Therapist, Dr. Pilakel, loves to say, "It's not coincidence, it's God's Incidence!" My favorite Psalm, Psalm 139, Verse 16b (CSB) puts it this way: "all my days were written in Your book and planned [italics mine] before a single one of them began."   Let me tell you about one of my most amazing experiences of God's incidence.

      Most of my adult life I have struggled with a burden of guilt for my past mistakes, knowing in my head that I have been forgiven by the accepting the gift of Jesus' precious blood sacrifice, yet having trouble forgiving myself. In January of the year I turned 70, I decided to focus my daily prayer and Bible study on accepting this forgiveness, starting each day by repeating a portion of Isaiah 61:10, which says, "I rejoice greatly in the Lord, I exult in my God; for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation and wrapped me in a robe of righteousness, ...." I shared my special verse with no one, not even Bill, but I could slowly feel the assurance making that "longest journey" from my head to my heart as my birthday neared.

      That day in June, my loved ones gathered around me at the lake, as we enjoyed sharing a casual meal and most of all each other's company. I confess, there's enough child in me still that I eagerly anticipated opening presents, even though Heaven knows I didn't need anything beyond the sweet fellowship. Of course, my grandkids handed me their package first, and I could hardly speak when I pulled out the most beautiful, soft peach shawl, similar to one I had admired on my sweet (and thoughtful) daughter-in-law. But that was only the beginning.

      Next came a bag from my "sister-friend" Linda, who is truly more sister than friend. I reached into the perfectly-stuffed tissue paper to pull out a gossamer wrap displaying a lovely blue butterfly all across the back. My mouth fell open and I sputtered some sort of "ooooh" or "aaaaah" and just shook my head. 

      Finally my "sister-cousin" Margie, who is truly like the other half of me, made me close my eyes and stretch out on the couch. I was curious, but complied, like a 70-year-old  "good little girl." I began to feel her tucking something cuddly around my legs, and I couldn't wait any longer to open my eyes. I gasped, and the tears came, when I saw an amazing "mermaid tail" coverlet, lovingly crocheted in my favorite aquamarine colors! 

      I can't even remember (I hope so!) if I shared with the group then the verse I had been setting my heart on for the previous six months, but I could hardly sleep that night for marveling at God's grace in sending me such tangible affirmations of His "garments of salvation and ... robe of righteousness." And six months later, at Christmastime, just in case I had forgotten, back at the lake house I gleefully opened an unexpected gift from my niece in California, and -- of course you guessed it -- it contained an exquisite hand-knitted shawl to warm me through the winter months! 

      My friend, I tell you this: I am NOT special, that is any more than each one of you reading this. God loves YOU this much! Remember Luke 12:7 (NIV): "Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."