A few months ago I had a dream that still haunts me, as it continues to convict and teach me. I was in a dark and dank basement, looking at a snow-white dove in a cage. I knew in the dream that this beautiful bird was in my care, and I had been sorely neglecting it. There was a bit of filtered sunlight streaming in behind it through high, narrow windows, dimmed with dust and mud from the outside. The bird's cage was dirty, and I knew I had neglected to give her proper food or water for some time, yet she patiently waited for me. I then took her out of the filthy cage, stroked her gently and talked lovingly to her, gave her clean food and water, and put her back on her perch. Then, looking around me, I began to notice how I had also neglected the basement she lived in, which had once been a cozy, nicely decorated space I enjoyed with friends. While beginning to tidy her surroundings, I realized I had never named my bird and decided to call her "Star."
This dream came fairly early in my brain rewiring journey, and was an important personal revelation for me on so many levels, which I won't share at this time. For this blog, however, you need to know that one of the first tasks of the program I completed was to write a declaration stating in the present tense how I want to see myself, actually a reminder of how God sees me. My declaration concluded this way: "I am a beloved, RADIANT daughter of the King!" I knew this was what God wanted for me, and only He could give me this radiance, but I also had to accept it and claim it for myself-- His gift, offered freely from His gracious heart of love.
Fast-forward to a few weeks ago, as I sat meditating on God's Word and simply spending time with Jesus in my living room. I have a Moravian star (pictured above) given by a friend some years ago which sits on the antique pie safe across the room from my recliner. I gaze at it daily, sometimes for hours. Usually appearing only during the Christmas season, these striking decorations have been dear to me since my college days in Winston-Salem, location of the historic Moravian settlement of Old Salem. Though the Moravian denomination traces its origins to the early 1700s in Saxony (eastern Germany), the first star is said to have been created in 1820 by a German boarding school student for a geometry project. It's easy to see why these complex objects would be a challenging geometric feat, with their intricate combination of square- and triangular-based points! These days they appear all over the world during the Christmas season. Illuminated from the inside, they beautifully represent the Star of Bethlehem, and a fitting description of them is "radiant," as the points radiate out from the light at the center.
On this particular day, I was having my daily talk with Jesus about my desire to be His radiant child while gazing at that star lighted from within, when entirely unbidden by me, the Spirit gave me the vision of that star zooming across the room and coming to rest in the center of my chest, right where my heart resides. My life changed in that moment, and I was given the "peace that passes understanding." For too long, I had forgotten that as soon as I accepted Jesus's gift of salvation, He has been residing in me. I remember vividly as a child asking Him into my heart and with child-like trust accepting that He was in me from that moment on. But like the mud that coated the window, dimming the light in my earlier dream, I let the ways of the world dim my vision of Christ in me. I talked to Him and saw Him as if He were "somewhere out there" instead of living in me. I had come to depend on my own efforts to "earn" my salvation, my place in Heaven; my faith was still based on my own actions, instead of the work Jesus completed on the cross some two thousand years ago. I was trying to work my way to Him, rather than simply acknowledging that He is already IN me!
I cannot adequately describe the peace that has filled my soul since that moment. Oh, don't think that I haven't had trials and moments of discouragement since then. But eventually I always realize that discouragement comes from the Enemy, when I forget for even a moment that vision of the Radiant Star residing in me. Now, of course, I'm noticing stars everywhere I turn: isn't that God, never tiring of reminding us of His eternal presence, if only we will open our hearts and our minds?
"You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" [Isaiah 26:3 NLT]
"We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,..." (2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV)
"Because of that experience, we have even greater confidence in the message proclaimed by the prophets. You must pay close attention to what they wrote, for their words are like a lamp shining in a dark place—until the Day dawns, and Christ the Morning Star shines in your hearts." [2 Peter 1:19 NLT]
"He must increase and I must decrease."
